Friday, March 27, 2009

Policy for Sellers

In my day job, I spend a lot of time drafting policy. I can riff policy-speak with the best of them. Having spent a week now on the chasse, I propose the following draft policy for sellers:

  • If your home's 1933 kitchen is still functioning and in mint condition, you shall not list at 2009 prices.
  • If you install central air on the first floor, but not on the second, you shall not list at 2009 prices.
  • If Ronald Reagan was in his first presidential term when you last performed maintenance on your house, you shall not list at 2009 prices.
  • If your home has been listed since 2007 and you're on your third real estate agent, you shall not list at 2007 prices.
  • If your home is not in the Federal style, you shall not paint the interior in the Federal style. Red dining rooms are specifically prohibited.
  • If your home is scheduled for a showing you shall not leave the toilet seats up. Or run the dishwasher during the showing.
  • If a bathroom consists of only a toilet - no sink, no tub, no shower - you shall not list it as 1/4 bathroom.
  • If by stretching my arms I can touch two walls, you shall not list the room as a bedroom.
  • If you use "as is", "handyman special", "waiting for that special touch", or "restoration" in the listing description, you shall not list at 2009 prices.
  • If photos of your listing consist primarily of photos of your furniture, you shall fire your real estate agent.
  • If your home is more than 5 residential blocks from a Metro station, you shall not state that the home is a 15 minute walk to the Metro.
  • [Update] Kitchens shall have a refrigerator.
  • [Update] The dryer shall be adjacent to the washer. Across the room shall be prohibited.

6 comments:

Elisheva said...

LMAO. An addition: if the price does not include parking that conveys, you shall not state "parking included," nor price as if parking is included (at 2007 levels).

Anonymous said...

Amen!

Anonymous said...

I agree with all but the last one. If a place is actually 15 mins to a metro station, then it's 15 mins. Walking 5 blocks should take less than 10 minutes in practice.

Anonymous said...

Great list! Only disagreement is with the last point: I live 10 blocks from the Metro on Capitol Hill and can easily walk it in 15 minutes...

Anonymous said...

"If by stretching my arms I can touch two walls, you shall not list the room as a bedroom."

This rule covers ever house over a 2 bedroom in rockville!!!

Gabriel Thy said...

Funny stuff, and ever so true.